OK so I was looking around reddit and found this incredible post from here on I'll just copy and paste but all credits for the writing (true events) goes to whatamidoingggggg (that's his actual screen name).
here goes:
losing my virginity to a prostitute, and what I feel now
submitted 8 months ago * by whatamidoingggggg
Hey guys, normally people would find me as a very non-emotional, type-A kind of guy, but right now I'm rather emotional. I guess this post is just to give people some insight who could make the same mistake I did, or some constructive feedback if you have any. I was a virgin 2 days ago. I was at a "bar" overseas where girls dance on stage in skimpy clothing (no nudity), and guys could sit down and have drinks while they look for someone the like. Most of these girls don't speak/understand English well, so if I had to communicate something a little complex I got one of the workers to translate. I wasn't into the first two girls that came to my table. I did see two girls that I found cute, spunky and attractive, but at that point I still wasn't planning on taking anyone home--I was bored and I thought it would just be fun to check out. I ended up leaving and checking out another joint nearby and had another drink there, but none of their girls struck my fancy. I eventually went back to the previous place and sat back down and ordered another drink. One of the girls I liked walked passed me after dancing on stage with the other girls. She looked at me and gestured if I wanted her to come over, and I couldn't resist. She sits real close. Soon enough, she's on my lap and we start making out, which something I've never actually done before this, so of course I'm enjoying it. Later, I'm introduced to her supposed sister (another dancer/bar girl) and I buy another round of drinks. After a while, I ended up taking the girl to a nearby "hotel" with nice rooms. In my mind, I'm still thinking I won't actually have sex because I believed that it should be with someone really special or someone I can marry. As I wrote that last sentence my eyes welled up with tears and I'm heaving as I write this, drying the tears with a blanket at the place I'm staying at. Well, it turns out I'm not as strong as I thought I was.
We're in the room, and I'm a little tipsy but definitely aware of everything that's happening. We get on the bed for some foreplay. We kiss, caress, and enjoy each others presence. I had never felt this kind of intimacy in my life. We rinse ourselves quickly in the shower before any sex. We dry off and get back on the bed. I make sure she's happy first, and watching her while I do this makes it even more pleasureful. We have sex. It was wonderful. I won't go into the details since it's not the point of the post and it's not something I would want to share anyway. At one point in between the sex and kissing, we lie together staring into each others eyes. She takes off a ring from one of her fingers and slides it on my pinky finger after since it wouldn't fit on the one next to it. I'm bonded to her. I feel like I might be in love or at least want to be. We spent three hours in the room, even though I was supposed to have her for two.
I paid her, and as we leave the room, we're holding each other out of the building and she tells me to see her again the next day, and I agree, but not in the mindset of having sex with her again, but just to see her and be with her.
The next day, I come by to the bar in the evening around 11. The workers greet me happily as they recognize me from the night before. I sit down again and look for her on the stage. She wasn't on at the moment. But a few minutes later, I see her on the stage and she sees me. She dances for me. It seemed like the other guys in the bar liked her too, since she was dancing FOR someone with more energy /passion than any of the other girls. But I knew she was mine. One of the dancers behind her looked uneasy and was barely dancing, and I think it was because she approached me the night before, and I wasn't interested in her and ended up taking the younger girl in front of her. After her dance, she swings by and I buy her a drink. Her sister comes by too and I buy them both a drink. I ask her sister what she thinks of me, and she tells me she loves me. Positive reinforcement. I'm thinking about how this will probably be the last time I see this girl. I tell her sister to tell the girl that I'll miss her. After I decided to take her again for the night, the girl, tipsy, brags to some of the girls on stage that no one is taking them home (which seemed kinda strange/rude to me). Anyway, she goes back to the dressing room to change into her "normal" clothes and comes back to my table. She's super happy and dancing and prancing as she says her byes to some of her working friends. After some more kissing and alcohol, I take her out to grab a late night meal. While we're sitting at a table, she gives me her phone with candy crush opened. she wants me to beat the level she's stuck at. I show her that I have the game on my phone too, and my level, and she gestures for me to beat it. I just played a little but didn't finish the game. I browse through her phone and notice she has gmail. I send an email to myself on her phone in case we wanted to contact each other. Of course this only makes it harder to forget her. I have some pictures of her (non-nude) and a video of her dancing a little for me. I just wanted to remember the moment. Later that night we have sex again, and she falls asleep in my arms. God she's beautiful. I wake her up after a few minutes so we can both head back. We're near my place, and we kiss before we leave each other again.
As soon as I get back to my room, I realize how much I'll miss her as I twist the ring on my finger. I don't regret what happened in the short term. But in the long run, I feel like I lost something, someone, I guess both. I sit back on my bed and grieve this anticipated loss. I tell myself out loud I'm sorry repeatedly.
These realizations evoke strong emotions from me. It's that we had a connection, and it can't even be continued for the rest of our lives, and that hurts me the most.
It's the next day now. I could see the girl again, but I think it would be a bad idea and won't help either of us. I still have her ring (I don't wear it) and some photos. I don't know what to do with them. I want to store them since we had a moment and I don't want to throw that away, but it might be distracting at the same time.
This post doesn't touch on anything that the girl may feel, as I don't truly know. But I can only imagine it being depressing to be a prostitute. Maybe it's better if you don't feel anything for someone when you're a prostitute or sleeping with one. You won't have the pain of missing someone you actually liked.
Now that I look back on the past year, I realize that I'm just someone who wants to feel something, but instead I do things to dull the mind or numb the heart. And then I thought that lots of people probably live like this too.
This has to change.
--edits-- mentioned that I paid the girl. this was overseas. most girls couldn't speak English well, but understood some. added that this girl was bragging to some of the girls that she's getting taken home while the others aren't. added some details that show her mood the 2nd night.
===END OF POST===
this is not to make you guys feel bad for him (though you should) but I just wanted to show that no matter how bad-ass you think you are, everything you do can hurt not only other people but yourself too, this guy thought that he could just pop his cherry overseas like 1,2,3 and be done, no strings attached but he was very wrong.
You see, the human body, despite how our moral society sinks deeper into sadism and debauchery, is still built to attach but the heartless eco system We call home decides that feelings aren't a profitable market.
Now don't get this the wrong way, I don't believe in love at first sight or true love or any of that marketing bullshit, hopefully this guy's experience will change the way you look at things.
HJ
here goes:
losing my virginity to a prostitute, and what I feel now
submitted 8 months ago * by whatamidoingggggg
Hey guys, normally people would find me as a very non-emotional, type-A kind of guy, but right now I'm rather emotional. I guess this post is just to give people some insight who could make the same mistake I did, or some constructive feedback if you have any. I was a virgin 2 days ago. I was at a "bar" overseas where girls dance on stage in skimpy clothing (no nudity), and guys could sit down and have drinks while they look for someone the like. Most of these girls don't speak/understand English well, so if I had to communicate something a little complex I got one of the workers to translate. I wasn't into the first two girls that came to my table. I did see two girls that I found cute, spunky and attractive, but at that point I still wasn't planning on taking anyone home--I was bored and I thought it would just be fun to check out. I ended up leaving and checking out another joint nearby and had another drink there, but none of their girls struck my fancy. I eventually went back to the previous place and sat back down and ordered another drink. One of the girls I liked walked passed me after dancing on stage with the other girls. She looked at me and gestured if I wanted her to come over, and I couldn't resist. She sits real close. Soon enough, she's on my lap and we start making out, which something I've never actually done before this, so of course I'm enjoying it. Later, I'm introduced to her supposed sister (another dancer/bar girl) and I buy another round of drinks. After a while, I ended up taking the girl to a nearby "hotel" with nice rooms. In my mind, I'm still thinking I won't actually have sex because I believed that it should be with someone really special or someone I can marry. As I wrote that last sentence my eyes welled up with tears and I'm heaving as I write this, drying the tears with a blanket at the place I'm staying at. Well, it turns out I'm not as strong as I thought I was.
We're in the room, and I'm a little tipsy but definitely aware of everything that's happening. We get on the bed for some foreplay. We kiss, caress, and enjoy each others presence. I had never felt this kind of intimacy in my life. We rinse ourselves quickly in the shower before any sex. We dry off and get back on the bed. I make sure she's happy first, and watching her while I do this makes it even more pleasureful. We have sex. It was wonderful. I won't go into the details since it's not the point of the post and it's not something I would want to share anyway. At one point in between the sex and kissing, we lie together staring into each others eyes. She takes off a ring from one of her fingers and slides it on my pinky finger after since it wouldn't fit on the one next to it. I'm bonded to her. I feel like I might be in love or at least want to be. We spent three hours in the room, even though I was supposed to have her for two.
I paid her, and as we leave the room, we're holding each other out of the building and she tells me to see her again the next day, and I agree, but not in the mindset of having sex with her again, but just to see her and be with her.
The next day, I come by to the bar in the evening around 11. The workers greet me happily as they recognize me from the night before. I sit down again and look for her on the stage. She wasn't on at the moment. But a few minutes later, I see her on the stage and she sees me. She dances for me. It seemed like the other guys in the bar liked her too, since she was dancing FOR someone with more energy /passion than any of the other girls. But I knew she was mine. One of the dancers behind her looked uneasy and was barely dancing, and I think it was because she approached me the night before, and I wasn't interested in her and ended up taking the younger girl in front of her. After her dance, she swings by and I buy her a drink. Her sister comes by too and I buy them both a drink. I ask her sister what she thinks of me, and she tells me she loves me. Positive reinforcement. I'm thinking about how this will probably be the last time I see this girl. I tell her sister to tell the girl that I'll miss her. After I decided to take her again for the night, the girl, tipsy, brags to some of the girls on stage that no one is taking them home (which seemed kinda strange/rude to me). Anyway, she goes back to the dressing room to change into her "normal" clothes and comes back to my table. She's super happy and dancing and prancing as she says her byes to some of her working friends. After some more kissing and alcohol, I take her out to grab a late night meal. While we're sitting at a table, she gives me her phone with candy crush opened. she wants me to beat the level she's stuck at. I show her that I have the game on my phone too, and my level, and she gestures for me to beat it. I just played a little but didn't finish the game. I browse through her phone and notice she has gmail. I send an email to myself on her phone in case we wanted to contact each other. Of course this only makes it harder to forget her. I have some pictures of her (non-nude) and a video of her dancing a little for me. I just wanted to remember the moment. Later that night we have sex again, and she falls asleep in my arms. God she's beautiful. I wake her up after a few minutes so we can both head back. We're near my place, and we kiss before we leave each other again.
As soon as I get back to my room, I realize how much I'll miss her as I twist the ring on my finger. I don't regret what happened in the short term. But in the long run, I feel like I lost something, someone, I guess both. I sit back on my bed and grieve this anticipated loss. I tell myself out loud I'm sorry repeatedly.
These realizations evoke strong emotions from me. It's that we had a connection, and it can't even be continued for the rest of our lives, and that hurts me the most.
It's the next day now. I could see the girl again, but I think it would be a bad idea and won't help either of us. I still have her ring (I don't wear it) and some photos. I don't know what to do with them. I want to store them since we had a moment and I don't want to throw that away, but it might be distracting at the same time.
This post doesn't touch on anything that the girl may feel, as I don't truly know. But I can only imagine it being depressing to be a prostitute. Maybe it's better if you don't feel anything for someone when you're a prostitute or sleeping with one. You won't have the pain of missing someone you actually liked.
Now that I look back on the past year, I realize that I'm just someone who wants to feel something, but instead I do things to dull the mind or numb the heart. And then I thought that lots of people probably live like this too.
This has to change.
--edits-- mentioned that I paid the girl. this was overseas. most girls couldn't speak English well, but understood some. added that this girl was bragging to some of the girls that she's getting taken home while the others aren't. added some details that show her mood the 2nd night.
===END OF POST===
this is not to make you guys feel bad for him (though you should) but I just wanted to show that no matter how bad-ass you think you are, everything you do can hurt not only other people but yourself too, this guy thought that he could just pop his cherry overseas like 1,2,3 and be done, no strings attached but he was very wrong.
You see, the human body, despite how our moral society sinks deeper into sadism and debauchery, is still built to attach but the heartless eco system We call home decides that feelings aren't a profitable market.
Now don't get this the wrong way, I don't believe in love at first sight or true love or any of that marketing bullshit, hopefully this guy's experience will change the way you look at things.
HJ